A few years ago I found myself in a situation when suddenly “the ground fell out from beneath my feet” in my personal life and at work. I got a new job where the team was just formed. In communicating with employees, there were destructive feelings of caution, suspicion, and, in some cases, open hostility. At the same time I broke off a relationship with a man, with whom I lived together for several years. He didn’t meet my expectations. Then I thought that I was all right while other people acted weird and unfair. The disappointment and frustration was growing with each passing day, so I began to look into their causes and to seek a way out of the life dead end.
Recently I married the same man! We have a happy family and we continue to build close relationships. I have left that team because I changed my interests radically. Besides, now I often meet people who treat me much better and more friendly.
I created for myself a solid foundation of beliefs on how to change my relationships for the better in my “personal world”. And I do not need to convince others of something, to persuade them, or to find out which of us is right. I have completely revised my views on relationships with people due to the fact that, during that stressful period, I found Iissiidiology and met with the team of the Center of Intelligence and Altruism “Ayfaar”.
The main thing I’ve learned is that the reality surrounding me is exactly like I imagine it. In my life, only those things happen which fit the contents of my “personal world”. According to Iissiidiology, my world contains my core beliefs, values and interests, and how I perceive myself and all around. It turns out that any of my relationships with other people are formed not somewhere outside! I build them exclusively in my perception, subjectively evaluating a person as “nice” – “unpleasant”, “good” – “evil”, “attentive” – “indifferent”. My conclusion is that there are no objectively “bad” or “good” people; in life, I meet others in the way they fit into my picture of the world.
When I lived with a man “unworthy” of me, I felt superiority over the opposite sex. When faced with the “hostile” employees, I long felt like a “victim”. By the way, at the time these feelings were familiar and even comfortable for me. I considered some people “unlucky”, and my attitude helped to keep my dignity, based on not my achievements, but on their weaknesses. It seemed to be much easier to shift the responsibility for my states on others! But from the moment I started to correct some of the above negative beliefs in the “individual world”, people around began to change suddenly!
So, how did I manage to improve the relationships without claims and destructive conflicts, having only my “personal world”? I learned
- to ALWAYS BELIEVE that there are people better than here and now, and to sincerely wish them to be this way.
- at each of their indiscretions, to DELIBERATELY GIVE them, in my mind, more ideal traits and propensities,
and one day we will meet them in the material world.
What shouldn’t one do in any case?
- We shouldn’t confuse what we wish for with what is and to condemn. As long as there is a disparity between the two states of affairs – invented and developed – it is important to understand the difference.
- To avoid illusions, we can wonder, again, not condemning: how do I wish that man should act? Why, in my opinion, wasn’t he able to make the best choice? The answers to such questions will help to keep touch with reality, to eliminate the possibility of blind indulgence to destructive behavior, and to understand the causes of the man’s actions, to avoid the conviction and putting “labels” on him.
You will find more information on the harmonization of relations with Iissiidiology in the section human relationships.